The danger of a life that makes sense

Hi there,

The most unreasonable decision I’ve made recently was probably leaving a perfectly stable executive role and starting over.

On paper, it made very little sense.

I had status. I had influence and autonomy. And I had the kind of job title that made people nod approvingly at dinner parties, which is really all any of us are chasing if we’re being honest and slightly pathetic.

I was on the executive team of a global startup that was doing interesting things for humanity and doing work I cared about. I had helped build things. I knew the business. I knew the people. I had a seat at the table.

And still, something in me kept getting quieter.

That’s the part nobody talks about when they talk about “good decisions.”

A good decision can look good from the outside and still cost you access to yourself.

For years, I thought the danger in life was making some dramatic, reckless choice. Quitting a job, moving countries, starting over, burning the bridge, or looking foolish.

But I’m starting to think the more dangerous thing is making too many rational and seemingly reasonable choices in a row.

Because reasonable choices rarely seem as dangerous.

They appear respectable and come with clean explanations: benefits, salary, stability, approval. The calm voice of everyone around you saying, “That makes sense.”

And sometimes it does make sense.

That’s the problem.

One reasonable choice becomes another. You take the job because it is there. You stay because leaving would be disruptive. You agree because pushing back would create tension. You postpone the creative thing because this is not the right time.

And suddenly, years have passed.

I did this with Shifting Focus for years.

I thought about writing it endlessly before I took any action on it. Instead, I carried the idea around like an expensive handbag I was too afraid to use.

I told myself I was waiting until I had more clarity… more time…a better structure… a stronger point of view. A proper plan.

All very reasonable. Also, all complete nonsense.

The truth was simpler and more embarrassing: I was scared.

Scared it would be mediocre. Scared people wouldn’t read it. Scared people would read it! Scared I would put something honest into the world and then have to stand beside it without pretending I was only “experimenting.”

So I did what reasonable people do.

I waited.

And waiting is sneaky because it feels neutral. It feels like nothing is happening. But something is happening. You are teaching yourself that the thing you say matters can keep coming second.

That is how chains get built.

And before you know, you are shackled to a life you don’t even recognize.

So the question I have for you to sit with is: what is the cost of being reasonable for too long costing you?

Because in my view, unreasonable choice gets all the bad press. Everyone can see the risk in quitting, in moving, or starting over. Those risks are obvious and loud.

Because they scream what if it fails? What if people judge me? What if I regret it? What if I was wrong?

All fair questions.

But what nobody talks about is that the reasonable choice has risks too. They are just quieter.

What if I succeed at the wrong thing? What if I become very good at a life I don’t actually want? What if everyone approves of me, but I don’t recognize myself? What if comfort becomes a sedative?

No one warns you about that because, from the outside, it looks fine. In fact, it looks responsible. Impressive, even.

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Final Thought

Look, I’m not arguing for chaos.

Some reasonable choices are genuinely wise. Paying your bills is good. Keeping health insurance is good. Not blowing up your life because you had one bad Tuesday and a strong coffee is generally good.

But I think we need a better question than, “Does this make sense?”

A lot of lifeless things make sense. The better question is:

Does this still feel like mine?

That question is annoying because it does not always give you a clean answer.

Sometimes the answer is yes, but something needs to change.
Sometimes the answer is no, but you are not ready to admit it yet.
Sometimes the answer is, “I have known for years and I was hoping not to know.”

If the answer to that question is “yes” for you then hold the line. There is nothing wrong with a reasonable life that points where you point. My closest friends include lawyers who have been at the same firm for two decades and are genuinely thrilled about it. That alignment is a gift. Protect it.

I am not telling you to set fire to your life or your career. All I’m saying is to look at the next link before you weld it on.

The unreasonable decisions in my life have not all worked out the way the headlines suggest. Some were harder than I let on. But every one of them is uniquely mine in a way that no carefully reasonable choice ever was. That is the part I would not trade.

So when the next obvious yes lands in your lap, pause for a beat. Hold it up to the light. Make sure the chain you're building still points in the direction of the life you actually want.

Because while the reasonable choice is the easy one to make. It is not always the right one.

And because the wrong life does not always feel like a disaster.

Sometimes it feels like applause.

Shakila

P.S. If this made someone come to mind, send it to them with a simple, “This made me think of you. Curious what you think.”

Sometimes the person stuck in the reasonable life already knows. They just need one small interruption in the chain.

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