Perfectionism Isn't Your Enemy

Hey there,

Everywhere you look, perfectionism is painted as pathology.

"It’s a trauma response."
"It’s rooted in shame."
"It’s killing your creativity."

I don’t disagree. The dark side of perfectionism is real. I’ve seen it up close.

Like a client who’s spent six months building her website but still hasn’t launched because the fonts aren’t “just right.”

Or a colleague who sat through an entire meeting with a brilliant idea but said nothing because his pitch wasn’t perfectly worded.

But I’ve also seen obsessive attention to detail save the day, in boardrooms, on client calls, and in last-minute presentations where one oversight could cost credibility, revenue, or trust.

It wasn’t trauma or shame behind that effort. It was precision. It was craft. And it was care.

So, why do we keep telling high-performers that their inner perfectionist is a demon to be exorcised?

There’s More Than One Kind of Perfectionist

According to psychologists Dr. Paul Hewitt and Dr. Gordon Flett, not all perfectionism is created equal. They outline three main types:

1. Self-Oriented Perfectionism: You set high standards for yourself. You’re internally driven. This form can be deeply motivating.

2. Socially-Prescribed Perfectionism: You believe others expect you to be perfect. This is where shame and anxiety thrive.

3. Other-Oriented Perfectionism: You impose unrealistic standards on others. (Hint: if people call you impossible to please, this might be you.)

🔗 Research - Hewitt & Flett, 1991 – Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale
🔗 Podcast - https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/perfectionism

It’s socially-prescribed perfectionism that tends to break us down. But self-oriented perfectionism? That’s the kind that creates Olympic champions, bestselling authors, and breakthroughs that move the world forward.

That’s the part of you that dreams in detail and delivers under pressure. The part that actually gives a damn.

And it’s probably what leads me to create seven versions of the same document — each one titled something like:

• “Business Plan”

• “Business Plan 2”

• “Business Plan Post Xmas Version”

• “Business Plan New”

• “Business Plan For Real”

• “Business Plan PLEASE READ THIS ONE”

• “Business Plan Final”

• “Business Plan Open This One”

If you’ve ever done the same, congratulations: you might just be a perfectionist with a vision and a very full Dropbox!

The Power of Perfectionism

Perfectionists have many gifts, but none of those gifts can come to fruition without intention and focus.

Leonardo da Vinci took four years to finish the Mona Lisa. He’d add one stroke and leave it for weeks. Perfectionism? Sure. But without it, we wouldn’t have a painting that’s captivated the world for 500 years.

Nikola Tesla worked tirelessly to perfect his inventions. It isolated him. But it also changed history. Was it perfectionism? Absolutely. But not the kind we’re taught to fear.

That’s what happens when perfectionism is directed not disowned. When it’s led and not pathologized.

Perfectionism is a form of power. And like any power: love, beauty, wealth, intelligence it contains a built-in contradiction.

• Love can heal or control.

• Wealth can uplift or exploit.

• Beauty can awe or objectify.

• Intelligence can cure disease or build bombs.

Perfectionism is no different.

When you harness it to push you forward, it becomes adaptive.
When it starts to limit or hurt you, it becomes maladaptive.

You need boundaries around any power, including perfectionism.

Is Your Perfectionism Working For You or Against You?

Ask yourself:

• Does my perfectionism energize me or exhaust me?

• Am I striving for more or better from love or fear?

• Is this about vision or validation?

Perfectionism isn’t the villain. Unconscious perfectionism is, especially when it lacks direction and focus.

READER POLL

Final Thought

You’ve probably been told to fix yourself.
To dim your intensity.
To chill, soften, relax.

Here’s a question worth asking, especially in a world that makes money off your self-doubt: What if your perfectionism is a gift?

Not harm you. Not shame you. Not keep you stuck. But help you see just how much you care. How deeply you want to do things well. How seriously you take your life.

The wellness industrial complex loves to slap a diagnosis on everything.

• You're not just tired… you’re burnt out.

• You're not just detail-oriented… you're dysregulated.

• You're not just ambitious… you're trauma-coded.

But what if… there’s nothing wrong with you?

What if your perfectionism isn’t a shortcoming, but a sign of your strength, your care, your relentless reach for better?

Yes, it can get distorted. Yes, it can spiral. But the answer isn’t to numb it, silence it, or stuff it in a drawer labeled “bad coping mechanism.”

The answer is to listen. To lead it. To work with it, not against it.

Because maybe you’re not broken. Maybe you’re just wired for excellence and you’re learning how to carry that fire with less pain and more purpose in a direction that drives your curiosity.

As a perfectionist, you notice the gap between what is and what could be. You are a champion of possibility. Now more than ever, the world needs your standards and ideals. It’s a force to direct. And when you do, it’s unstoppable. And it might just be your power.

Stay dialed in + dangerous,

Shakila

P.S. Here’s the results of last week’s poll.