How to Be Memorable

Hey there,

We all know “that person”—for reasons we can’t quite explain, we open up to them. Sometimes, within five minutes of meeting them.

One minute, we’re exchanging names; the next, we’re confessing our fear of public speaking, revealing our existential dread, or sharing that our fear of commitment comes from our failed fourth-grade science project.

Is it magic? Witchcraft?
No. It’s curiosity.

Not the polite, surface-level kind, but the deep, genuine kind that says,
“Tell me everything. Who are you, really?”

Genuine, unfiltered, spotlight-shifting curiosity.

I call this "The Spotlight Shift."

Instead of taking the spotlight, you shine it on others.

Most people walk into a room thinking, "How do I make them like me?" But the spotlight shifter thinks, "How can I make this person feel seen, heard, and valued?"

A Slice of Connection

A few years back at a work conference, I spotted a man standing alone in the corner, eating cheese cubes with a level of concentration usually reserved for brain surgery. 

So, I walked over and asked, “What’s the best cheese you’ve ever had?”

Twenty minutes later, I was knee-deep in his story about backpacking through Europe with his college sweetheart (later his wife) in search of the perfect aged Gouda. 

Did I need to know that Gouda is best when aged for 18 months in a specific Dutch cellar? No. 

But did he light up like a Christmas tree because I cared enough to ask? Absolutely.

Months later, I learned that day had marked the one-year anniversary of his wife’s passing—a day he had dreaded facing alone. He told me our brief conversation had been a flicker of light in a stretch of overwhelming darkness.

Every year since, he’s sent me a thank-you email on their anniversary.

A simple note. But a powerful reminder that even the smallest act of presence can ripple through someone’s life in ways we may never fully grasp.

Connection Begins Where Judgment Ends

My sense is that every time we engage with someone, there’s an unspoken, silent conversation happening.

Each person is thinking:

• How much of us can they tolerate?

• How much of our reality can they handle without us editing ourselves?

• How encouraging and reassuring are they?

• How much do they make us want to dig deeper and talk more?

In essence, if someone is at ease with their own strangeness, sadness, or shadows, they create a safe space for us to be at ease with ours. 

The reverse is also true: if we sense judgment, impatience, or indifference, we instinctively pull back. We become cautious.

And it’s not just about asking good questions or nodding at the right time. It’s about showing that you can handle someone’s whole story—their quirks, struggles, and humanity—without flinching. 

It’s about creating a conversation where silence isn’t uncomfortable and people feel they can share without editing.

How to Shift the Spotlight

Here’s a quick and easy guide to flipping the script and making the other person the most important person in the moment:

Remember, every single person you meet is a well of stories, experiences, and wisdom. 

You don’t have to be the smartest, funniest, or most charismatic person in the room. 

You just have to be genuinely curious. Ask questions. Be okay to sit in the silence. 

And let others know that, in this moment, they’re the most interesting person in your world. Who knows? You might even learn something weirdly fascinating about Gouda.

That’s the magic of the spotlight shift. 

And it’s probably the greatest gift you can ever give anyone.

Shakila