Comparison Isn’t Your Enemy

Hey there,

Ever caught yourself scrolling through social media, heart sinking, convinced you're trailing behind everyone else in life's invisible race?

If you’re like me, comparison feels a lot like binge-watching reality TV. You hate yourself for getting sucked in, promise to quit, but before you know it, you're back, elbow-deep in envy popcorn, wondering why your kitchen isn't as spotless as Amy’s or why you're not backpacking in Bali like your old college roommate.

But the thing no one ever tells you is that comparison isn’t a flaw.

It’s a fundamental human instinct.

That means you can’t just turn it off by deciding “comparison is bad.” So rather than shaming ourselves for doing it, we can get smarter about how to use it instead. ​​ ​​

The Surprising Truth About Comparison

Ever since psychologist Leon Festinger first introduced social comparison theory back in the 1950s, we’ve known comparison is deeply wired into how we think and behave.

Festinger’s theory says our brains are hardwired to evaluate ourselves against others in our environment to ensure survival. Because knowing where you stood in the tribe was the difference between thriving and getting left behind.

Fast forward to now, and our brains are still at it—constantly scanning and sorting ourselves against others in terms of looks, careers, relationships, wealth, health, and more. It’s happening before we even realize it.

Comparison on Steroids

Comparison isn’t new. But what's different today is scale and speed. Back in the day, you compared yourself to the strongest person in your village or the most respected elder in your circle. Now, social media hands you instant, unlimited access to the entire human tribe, nearly 8 billion of us.

With just a casual scroll, you’re comparing your Sunday afternoon in sweats to someone’s sun-soaked retreat in Tuscany, a stranger’s six-figure product launch, or a perfectly lit, curated morning routine shared from halfway across the world.

Social media tricks our brains into believing we personally know and should measure ourselves against far more people than ever before.

And what’s worse is that what we're seeing isn’t reality, it’s highlight reels. Filtered wins. Polished milestones that gives the impression that everyone seems to be living their best life 24/7. Nobody shows the messy middle, the failures, the quiet days.

Understanding How Comparison Actually Works

The good news is that comparison isn’t inherently bad.

The problem isn’t that we compare.
The problem is we don’t leverage it effectively.

Comparison can either drive us to improve or drain us into doom and gloom.
How we use it matters.

There are three main types:

• Upward Comparison: Someone’s ahead of you. Can feel motivating… or defeating.

• Downward Comparison: Someone’s behind you. Can bring perspective… or arrogance.

• Lateral Comparison: Someone’s level with you. Can feel affirming… or competitive.

Two people can see the exact same success story and have completely different reactions:

👤 Person A: “Ugh, I’ll never get there.”
👤 Person B: “Wow, that’s inspiring. What can I learn?”

Same input. Different framing.

That’s where the shift begins.

Use It Smarter — Practical Ways to Flip the Script

Here are 7 ways to make comparison work for you:

1. Curate your feed
Unfollow or mute accounts that drain you. You’re not obligated to stay subscribed to anyone who makes you feel like you’re constantly behind. Choose to follow people who are honest about both the wins and the wobbles. The messy middle is where the truth lives.

2. Ask better questions
When that familiar twinge of envy hits, pause and ask:
“What is this showing me about what I want more of in my own life?”
The urge to compare is just a signpost.

3. Track your own wins
Keep a private “I did that” success log. Weekly or daily, it doesn’t matter. The point is to reconnect with your own progress. Celebrate the small stuff. It adds up.

4. Compare habits, not outcomes
Instead of obsessing over someone else’s results, zoom in on their process.
What are they doing that’s working? Can you borrow one small habit that would help you move forward too? Success leaves clues.

5. Use it as positive motivation
Feel yourself spiraling? Channel it.
Ask: What’s one small thing I can do today that moves me closer to what I admire?
Even a 10-minute action turns comparison into momentum.

6. Set scroll limits
Social media is engineered to keep you comparing. Set a daily time cap, turn off notifications, or take a digital detox. It’s not about quitting the internet, it’s about creating boundaries that protect your peace.

7. Create a ‘Comparison to Clarity’ journal
Try this:
Trigger → Emotion → Insight → Action.
It’s a simple way to capture comparison moments and turn them into clarity instead of shame.

READER POLL

Final Thought

The truth is, comparison isn’t going anywhere. But when you stop letting it run the show, and start using it with intention, everything changes.

You stop seeing other people’s wins as evidence you’re not enough—
And start seeing them as possibilities worth exploring.

You stop spiraling into resentment—
And start asking better questions that lead to action.

You stop wishing for a different life—
And start building a version of yours that feels aligned.

Comparison can push you, but it’s an external nudge. What really drives lasting change is when that nudge aligns with your own values, your own reasons. That’s when it sticks.

It’s not about choosing one over the other. It’s about knowing when to listen to the world around you and when to listen deeper to yourself.

Comparison, when used wisely, isn’t toxic.
It’s revealing. Motivating. Clarifying.

It’s not the enemy. It’s the compass.

So stop wasting energy trying not to compare.
Compare with curiosity. Move with intention.

Catch you next week,

Shakila

P.S. Here’s the results of last week’s poll.